Silly is as Silly Does

A Silly Weekend Blog

Just got back from the ocean, Son of a Beach: For those of you who don’t keep track, I try to blog weekly. I usually gather material for the blog during the week and put it together on the weekend. But last week I took a vacation to the sunny climes of San Diego. More precisely, La Jolla, the home of Dr. Seuss, and one of the most beautiful beach towns in the land of fruits and nuts. Thank you for not burgling my house while I was away, but had you attempted to do so my watch cat would have hidden. Back in the days when I had a watchdog it would have pointed out the good silver. (Stupid dog. The silver is fake). So today’s blog will be mish mash and silliness.

My cousin Vinnie, er Steve: Before I left for my vacation I had an interesting week. My cousin Steve had gone to New Jersey for his annual vacation. (Don’t ask. I don’t know why). I promised him I’d water his veggie garden a couple of times during the week namely Tuesday and Friday. As I was having breakfast Tuesday the phone rang and it was security telling that I was listed as his emergency contact (I already knew that) and that water was leaking from under his garage door. “I broken water heater” I assumed so I called Steve but apparently AT&T does not work in New Jersey. So I drove to his house, opened the door and stepped up to my ankle in water. The entire house was flooded six inches deep. The culprit was a flex pipe under the toilet. I couldn’t reach Steve and had no clue with whom he was insured. Finally got it all figured and Steve (slosh, slosh) returned. So while I was in La Jolla Steve was staying in the flea bag motel that his insurance company paid for. My vacation was better than his.

Email gone mad: While I was gone Dr. Jerry emailed me a lesson on mathematics… or maybe it was on effort. You decide:

“Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable
mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing
will take you..

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its
the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.”

My friend Mike, a retired teacher sent me 20 Amorphisms: APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. - Like this: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!

20. Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don't mind. And the one's that mind, don't matter.

A little blogging music Maestro... “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights” by Freddie Fender.

Dr. Forgot http://drforgot.com