Friday, December 24, 2010
Updated Night Before Christmas 2010
By Dr. Forgot (with apologies Anonymous)
‘Twas the night before Christmas, in the house and the patio
Everybody was snoring, including Big Daddio.
Mommy was dreaming ‘bout the neighborhood jerk,
Who’d tracked mud on her carpets making more danged housework.
In the glass by the bedside – Grandpa’s teeth went kerplunk!
Uncle Kyler was sleeping off a Christmas Eve drunk.
The big boys were dreaming of their girlfriends galore
They think they have charm that the girls can’t ignore.
The teen girls are dreaming of a necklace or jewel
Given by real boys who are not virtual.
As the little one’s heads fill with what Christmas portends,
Good greetings and wishes from their Facebook friends.
In the midst of this Norman Rockwell-type scene
Came a clutter and clamor, if you know what I mean.
For there stood eight reindeer full of anger and frights,
As they’d gotten all tangled in the holiday lights.
The sleigh had gone crazy - into the chimney it flew,
And a fat man and presents were scattered askew.
His cell phone was pressed to his snowy-white beard,
As he shouted out curse words – it sounded so weird.
“I hate these damn houses with wires at heights”
Bring back the days where I flew by moonlight.”
“Get here in a heartbeat, without delay,
“Thank goodness I’m covered by my Triple-A.”
While waiting he slid down the chimney and put
Big black boot footprints from the grime and the soot.
He drank the hot chocolate that was left by the tree
And scattered some presents including a wii.
He cleaned up the footprints then without a sound
Took off up the chimney with a leap and a bound
The tow truck had straightened his rudders and sled
And buffed Rudolph’s nose to a bright shiny red.
He tipped the young driver who gave him the tow
And got into his sleigh with a “Ho, ho, ho, ho.”
This night he’d not suffer from frostbite exposure
For he skipped all the houses now in foreclosure.
Investment bankers, politicians, got lumps of coal
Then he set GPS for “Home at North Pole.”
As the sleigh disappeared came a verbal outburst
“Have a cool Yule everybody and a real frantic first.”
A little blogging music, Maestro: "I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas," by Alvin and the Chipmunks.
PS If you REALLY want to see the updated version of that night, cut and paste the following youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA