Booooooo

Gouhls, Ghosts, Gremlins, Goblins, and Grinches

Get ready boys and girls. Just two more days before the kiddies dress up in costumes and go door to door in the neighborhood begging for treats. At least that's how it was back in the days when men were men and women were glad of it, and you could usually tell one from the other. My, my, my how things have changed on this "All Hallows Eve" celebration. Since the rules of proper behavior have become clouded regarding Halloween protocol, I've decided to share some of my rules. Feel free to follow them - or feel cheap if you prefer. It's all the same to me.

1. All goblins and their decendents (which we call bugs) who live in my computer must exit immediately on Halloween, never to return. That includes the little rascals who placed two "i the webpage cannot be found" on this blog. You see, Dr. Forgot is a technological Barbarian who, if he ever knew how to remove such items, has long since forgotten.

2. In order to wear a costume you must be shorter than a midget and too young to have acne. Last year on October 1 at 5:00 a.m. I was driving down a major thoroughfare and I saw what appeared to be a ballet dancer complete with pink tights and tutu standing beside the road. As I drew closer I could see that "she" was in fact a "he" who must have just left the party and did not want to despoil the host's "facilities" so he was satisfying the biological urge to relieve himself along side the street. There are plenty of other ways to make an ass of yourself besides donning a donkey costume.

3. No costume, no candy. Once the cute little ones have gotten their treats, teens from somewhere else come to the door. If their little brother was the one for whom the sheet was destroyed for the Caspar costume, then the older brother grabbed the pillowcase for his booty sack. No bother with a costume.

4. Trick or Treat in your own neighborhood. Their is no reason to load your 17 little ones in the Soccer-Mom's van and transport them from place to place. How much candy can they score? Dentists might love that plan but seniors in age-restricted communities often become suspicious when large groups tots arrive at the door.

5. Fido is not one of your children. It borders on cruelty to place a costume and mask on a defensless animal. It is kind of like having your kid play the violin for adult company. YOU think the kid is cute but the company would choose water totrure if given the choice.

6. If all else fails, bar your front door and place a sign over the bars that says, "Sorry, Grinch took all the candy," and go to a movie.

Dr. Forgot