Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Quintessence of Athletic Atrocity

News and Views to Peruse – Sports of All Sorts

Must Tiger Worry about Torrey: Today’s blog is rife with sports news. No NFL player was busted for drugs. No NBA player was cited for beating his wife or girlfriend. However a disgraced former NBA referee who says he might not be the dirtiest claims fellow refs intentionally determined the outcomes of NBA games. Although football and basketball are two real sports in which players wear uniforms and sweat and have bench-clearing brawls, golf is considered by some a sissy game. No uniforms are worn by golfers (why, in baseball even COACHES wear uniforms) and golfers don’t get to assault one another. Other sports heroes wear bling, do rap videos, and set new standards for vulgar language. Occasionally a golfer might be overheard to say, “Shucks,” or “Awwww heck,” or even, “Dadgummit.” Occasionally one might get really angry and throw his club into the water, but there is no eye gouging, crotch grabbing, or intentional fouling. No 15-yard penalties, and no home field advantage in golf. At this writing Tiger Woods is tied for thirteenth place in the Torrey Pines U.S. Open. Yawn.

What Happens in Vegas is Expensive: That crazy guy with the blond Fu-Manchu moustache is making news again. Ex - Mrs. Hulk Hogan known on official court documents as Linda Bollea, has asked a judge to do her a teeny-weeny favor. She wants Terry Bollea, whose wrestling name is Hulk Hogan, to spend some time in a hammer-lock – or at least in a lockup. The Hulkster seems to have met his wrestling match with his ex when he chose to not make payments on their little $ 4.2 million Vegas condo, located at the Palms Hotel and Casino. The Palms is where everybody who is anybody hangs out and hooks up in Vegas. If the Pinellas County, Florida judge pins the Hulkster to the jail mat, he might end up in Condo Hoosegow as a roommate to his son, currently serving 8 months for “Driving like an idiot.”

Mighty Croatia Scores Another Upset: I love Croatia. That country with a coastline every bit as dazzling as California’s is the place to be among Europeans. For its size Croatia produces massive numbers of sports heroes. From BYU star Kresimir Cosic and All NBA Toni Kukoc (Basketball) to Goran Ivanisevic and Jelena Pandzic (tennis), and even major stud actor Goran Visnjic, Croatia is in a constant state of overachievement. Their names might be hard to pronounce but their deeds are legendary. So as not to destroy that image Croatia’s soccer team just defeated the vaunted German team in the Euro 2008 European Soccer Competition. Let’s all raise a glass of slivovica, the Croatian plum brandy that will put hair on your chest, to honor the victory.

No Pee-wees Among the WWE: My college days were not consumed with athletic achievements – unless you count those three wrestling matches in the back seat of a Packard. I was pinned two out of tree. It did not take me long to outgrow my fanatic obsession with the likes of Gorgeous George (no relation to Boy George) or the other overweight, over-the-hill, overacting stuntmen of professional wrestling. But though I no longer appreciate it, I can understand ongoing fascination with WWE RAW wrestling. Vince McMahon is a promotional genius and has spoofed his way into a multi-million dollar venture. Instead of Full Nelsons and Hammer Locks by beer gut has-beens, the gym is loaded with rippling muscles and bulked up frames. Some even retire pursue a less legitimate career – like former Governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura.

A little blogging music Maestro... The ABC Sports theme song with the accompanying, “The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat.”

Dr. Forgot

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