Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Of Cars, Computers, and Runners

Are You Happy With Your Car’s Performance?

Edsel, Lexus, and Jaguar vs. PC and Mac: It has been said that if car technology had developed at the same rate that computers have done, today’s car would cost $ 25, get 1,000 miles per gallon, and instead of looking for a parking space, it would fold up and fit in your briefcase. Needless to say this comment irked the nerds at the car companies so they struck back with the other side of the coin. Thanks to reader Dr. Jerry for providing us with the following description of what we could expect of cars if they had developed as did computers:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously li f ted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

Back to semi serious stuff: Ok, is it my imagination or has the Reprobation party made the flip flop as their official footwear. Let’s see, the O man didn’t have enough experience because he’d been in the Illinois state senate then the U.S. Senate. Enter the darling of the right wing-nuts with experience as a mayor whose city budget is less than Brittney Spears, so experience as a prereq is “off the table.” Next, they steal the Demonuts slogan about “change.” Finally Big Mac who has voted with the “B” word man 90%+ of the time calls himself a maverick. Oh well, the political season is well upon us.

Really scary stuff: The Hail Mary pass lofted on fourth and 21 by Quarterback Cain looks at first blush to have worked. But the O team threw the red flag that requested further review. With the help of the “liberal media,” who I suppose refers to Legal Drug Limbaugh, SchWhining Hannity, and Bully O’Reilly, some facts on the beauty queen are beginning to come to light. The National Enquirer, widely quoted by the Repros during the Edwards scandal, has become less than zero as credible sources now that the NE Edwards Team is in I’ll-ask-ya. So what’s been uncovered thus far – I mean, she hasn’t had that long to learn to lie and cheat although the Rove team is keeping her under the cone of silence while teaching her the finer points. Well, the “jet” she sold on eBay was neither a jet nor was it sold on eBay. Details, details. The “Bridge to Nowhere” which she opposed, she initially supported, took the money, then decided she was against it. The “liberal media” (they must be liberal… they reported it!) is now waiting for the other flip to flop. “Thanks but no thanks” in Alaska means “Take the money and run.” Surely it doesn’t take 5 colleges to learn the difference between a blatant lie and a creative truth, although she WAS a journalism major.

It’s my body and I’ll do what I want to: When the young, enthusiastic energetic hockey Mom first appeared on the ticket pundits predicted that she would “steal” the women voters who had supported Hillary. And she might have except for a few minor factors. Sarah Palin’s ultra conservative stance on women’s rights issues run in contrast to those women who, perish the thought, think they should have dominion over their own bodies, teach their children about the birds and the bees, not get involved in the sex lives of consenting adults, do not believe that everybody should be allowed to carry an armor piercing automatic rifle, and that science should be taught in public schools rather than religion. Sorry, Charlene, but thinking women do not believe that women should be paid less than men or that that the Violence Against Women Act is bunk. The current administration tried their best to turn our democracy into a theocracy. Palin’s pals are hoping to finish the job.

A little blogging music Maestro... “Have I the Right” by the Honeycombs

Dr. Forgot

Read me also at http://vegasnews.squarespace.com/dr-forgot-andrew-r-nixon/

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