Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wild and Wacky

You can’t make this stuff up

Back to the REAL silliness: Are humans animals? I used to have a Psychology professor who would discuss all manner of behavior of rats in various experiments, then end with this proviso: “We must be careful of drawing conclusions from these studies. Remember, rats aren’t people… although some people are rats.” I’m not sure if there was a PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) in those days but if there had been, I’m sure they would have taken the good professor to task for lowering the status of lab rats by comparing them with humans. Well, those wacky workhorses – uh I mean peons of people of PETA are at it again. This time they’ve struck a blow directly at the Chunky Monkey see, Chunky Monkey do people. PETA kicked Ben in his Cinnamon Buns and Jerry in his Garcia. And the problem for PETA is not B&J’s Fossil Fuel or Phish Food, or even the Vermonty Python. The problem is much mooooooooer than that. They want Ben, or perhaps this is Jerry’s department, to stop using cow’s milk in their ice cream and replace it with human breast milk.

Perhaps the PETAns would like to see some new flavors – Booblegum, Pirate’s Chest, or Double Scoops, or Bra-seer. In a news release PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman said, “Everyone knows that breast is best.” Oh gee, I wouldn’t touch that one… er, I mean, some might find the discussion titillating. Oh, never mind. Don’t cows have a lobby? This plan would put them out of work. No wonder there are so many mad cows.

So much for the other cheek: It has been said that nearly all wars fought in the history of mankind have been over issues of religion. Whether the crusades or Islamic radicals, religious zealots have been less that tolerant in matters of forcing their views on non-believers. Such was the case with Teresa Hirston, publisher of the magazine, “Gospel Today.” The publication has been distributed for a couple of decades throughout the country largely in more than 100 Lifeway Christian Stores. However, upon discovering that her magazine had been pulled from the shelves, Teresa was in a quandary. Her latest mag did not discuss issues contrary to mainstream Christian beliefs, so what sin had she committed to be banned from Lifeway shelves? Turns out the publisher had committed the unpardonable sin of recognizing the accomplishments of women -five female pastors. Lifeway, which is owned by the Southern Baptist Convention, passed an edict in 2000 that only men can serve as pastors. Just one more example of the right wing nuts. I wouldn’t be surprised if at their next convention a move was initiated to bring back the burqa.

My way or the highway (to nowhere): Ah that darling of the right wing nuts, Sarah Palin. She was for the Bridge to Nowhere, no, against it. Ok, no more bridge to nowhere. How about the road to the Bridge to nowhere? In ancient days the expression was, “All roads lead to Rome.” In Alaska, from where you can see Russia, it seems some roads lead to the Bridge to Nowhere. Is that somewhere? The road was built to the bridge that wasn’t. We’d like to ask Sarah about the bridge and the road, and some other issues like Troopergate, ignoring subpoenas, etc. but the Repubs have her locked up tighter than a promiscuous daughter in the hills of West Virginia. Ok, we’ll ask her running mate on the ticket she described as “The Palin McCain ticket.” But the Straight Talk Express has become the No Talk Express. Senator John has become Silent Sam. Oh well, what’s a measly $ 323 million for a road to nowhere when Wall Street is asking for a trillion? The whole silent situation makes reporters pine for the old days of open book politicians like George W. Bush and Dick “Where’s Waldo” Cheney. Perhaps Alaska could buy some shipping containers and build low cost housing along the road to nowhere (see item below). At least there shouldn’t be much traffic.

Did you hear the one about the redneck who: Thank goodness for rednecks. They are the only ones who are still grist for being the butt of jokes. Thanks to political correctness gender, religion, ethnicity, race, economic status, professions (well, except for lawyers and politicians) are all off the map as the butt of jokes. No wonder we live in a world with so many angry people. Nevertheless we all get tons of emails that make fun of everything redneck from their choice of a spouse (“When rednecks divorce, are they still brother and sister?”) to their dwellings (“Redneck luxury bathroom – a 2-holer”). Of course, politicians can also be the butt of dwelling humor – McCain for his seven houses, Obama for his big yard courtesy of a flakey friend, Palin for her igloo, and Biden for his refusal to live in the D.C. area. But how about making a living from building houses out of shipping containers? “Buy a shipping container that has seen the world.” This is not so far-fetched and not a joke, but a plan for affordable housing that was conjured up by a young man with a plan.

Brian McCarthy and three partners have set up shop in El Paso, TX building affordable housing – from shipping containers! The 320 square foot homes include a kitchen, bath, toilet, windows, and a bright blue door for entry. They are painted with a white epoxy to reflect the sun, although I suppose a box – er, homeowner could add air conditioning. Prices start under $ 8,000 for the fancy shanty and McCarthy plans to sell them across the border in Juarez, Mexico to poor factory workers (malquiladoras) who require low cost housing. A man’s home is his castle? I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

WGAS – Who Gives A …. Hoot: Several items showered upon us fall into the WGAS category. I don’t care about the gender of Lindsey Lohan’s new love. I don’t care whether or not Brittney Spear’s mother wrote a book or considers herself a mother advice guru. I don’t care how the Iranian idiot Ahmadinejad is able to spew his inane comments to Palin and the press, I don’t care who was kicked off “Dancing With the Stars.” Finally, I don’t know who Clay Aikens is, nor do I care about his sexual preference, whether or not he’s become a father, or with whom he chooses to rear the child. But the nuttiest news story of the day comes from, where else but San Francisco. Seems like the San Francisco Clown Conservatory - we’re not sure if that is where conservatives go to learn their trade – decided on a fundraiser for a good cause. They are publishing a 2009 calendar of NAKED CLOWNS! Somehow it just doesn’t seem to be what most men strive for – being laughed at while standing naked.

A little blogging music Maestro... Judy Collins version of, what else but Stephen Sondheim’s “Send in the Clowns.”

Dr. Forgot

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