Thursday, September 11, 2008

What a Game!

In a word, “Brilliant!”

Caught off guard to say the least: Quarterback McCain, wearing throwback jersey number 72 faced fourth and 21 with the clock ticking down. His team was getting creamed by the other side and their younger, fresher, stronger Quarterback Obama. So McCain in desperation went for the Hail Mary Sarah. He called a trick play. Pulled a moose, er, rabbit out of his hat named Sarah (no last name required for this celebrity) to be his running back VEEP. The right wing of the bleachers and the media went wild! The Obama team began wandering around with dazed looks. “Huh? Who? What just happened? What just hit us? Weren’t WE the team with a too young barely qualified candidate? Weren’t WE just getting bashed by our opponents because our guy was a celebrity who drew huge crowds? Where are we?” The trainers rushed onto the field and asked the stunned defense, “Can you spell juxtaposition?”

Trick play worked. Strategy becomes to get their eye off the ball: Quarterback McCain did his job. Now it is up to the Pachyderm coaches to continue to outfox the Burro coaches and the sportswriters and broadcasters. The coaches send in a series of “Is there an elephant in the room” deception plays: They ask “Were there NCAA infractions that Sarah committed while still in college? Did she wrongfully push to have her ex-brother-in law fired? Was she really against the "Bridge to Nowhere?" Did she sell Alaska's plane on eBay, or just list it on eBay? Did she have any real duties commanding the Alaska National Guard?”

“Oh, and don’t forget to accuse the sportswriters and broadcasters of picking on us – that one always works. Let’s accuse them of being flaks for the Burros. Once nobody is looking at the ball we can sneak it up a few more yards.” The writers and media took the bait and began to focus on the new running back as the partisan crowd chanted, “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.”

“This election isn’t about issues:” The quote by an official in the Pachyderm front office said it and the comment sailed right over the heads of the media just like the passes the old white men had been tossing back and forth before the Northern Lights shone on the team. In regards to the questions the team put out about their new running back, who cares? The previously moribund fans that came to town to watch her strut her stuff along the sidelines are simply at the game for the refreshments. They don’t really care if the players on the field are academically eligible, morally correct, are under indictment or have a criminal record. The Pachyderm front office knows this from years in the business and has brought their new star to the playing field to distract the country from the havoc that their aging goofy coach George Bush and his band of liars, warmongers, sleezeballs and convicted felons. That team has wreaked havoc during the past eight years and it is their plays and policies Quarterback McCain is committed to continue.

Every play that is called, every distraction that the media dwells and dotes upon (such as lipstick on the mascot of the University of Arkansas) takes up time not spent talking about the Elephant team’s record. Each one of those ball hiding events is a mini victory for the team and gets Quarterback McCain one step closer to winning the Homecoming Game.

New running back’s short term achievements: The Donkeys are braying that Sarah hasn't earned her degree and is therefore not qualified to play in the big game. They say that the only 3:00 a.m. call she had to respond to was when a moose upset a neighborhood garbage can. The truth is quite the opposite. In the week since she’s pulled on her pads and jersey the mother of all upset efforts has distracted the Left, the Right, the Centrists, the Independents and her five dependents from the horrible state of affairs that our country wallows in as the result of the Bush debacle . Quarterback McCain has run his head coach’s offensive plays as designed by the Bushman of Texas 95% of the time. The rookie has succeeded in deflecting and deceptions beyond the wildest expectations of even the most far right corporate executive.

From the Outhouse to the Penthouse and maybe the Whitehouse: Two weeks ago Quarterback McCain was in worse shape in Washington than Bret Favre was in Green Bay. Head Coach Bush has an 0-11 disastrous record, and the fans were yelling for change. The rival team, headed by All American Quarterback Obama had built their game plan around change. Quarterback McCain had not only run his head coach’s plays 95% of the time over the past eight years, he plans to continue policy from the old playbook for another four or eight years. The team has been in desperate need of a new fresh face to repackage the old playbook and make the fans think it is new. So they take a picture of their opponent’s playbook slogan and paste it over their own. Now their playbook says “Change” and on the front cover is a fresh new face. Bingo! That’s all it takes to fool the fans!

The plan works to a tee on kickoff. There is nothing in the fan’s program about the highest unemployment rate in a decade or the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bailout or the 4,000+ dead American soldiers and the maltreatment of their wounded comrades who return home maimed, or the trillion dollar debt or the mortgage crisis, or the burgeoning debt to China or the ongoing lies that got us into and the debacle in Iraq or global warming or prisoner torture or Blackwater guards in Iraq who earn $ 1200 per day while U.S. Marines earn breadcrumbs, or corruption among Whitehouse staffers or any other issues. High Elephant Rick Davis might become prophetic with his now-notorious comment, “This campaign is not about issues but personalities.”

Pray tell, what is in the new program: Let’s see, we can list Sarah’s accomplishments as mayor, whether she was or was not a good mother, whether her skirts are too short and her zingers too sarcastic. The fans like that sort of stuff. There has been a run on her style of glasses. But the new running back is not running for the presidency. That office is being sought by Quarterback McCain. Problem is, he is carrying the weight of his loyal but inept coaches on his shoulders. His playbook has a new cover but its contents are the same old tripe with the same old plays that have been run unsuccessfully for the past eight years. Yet all the fans sitting on the right side of the stadium continue with their deafening cheers as the writers and other media get caught up in the hoopla. If the home team wins again it will likely subject our country to another four years of destruction down to the very fiber.

Game plan for underdog Quarterback Obama: There have been more than enough references to animals by the media the past few days, but one more is in order – the underdog. Quarterback Barak cannot afford to hand off the ball to the media as his rival has done. He needs to focus his attention on the real opposition -- the issues that will decide the future of this country. His handling of the “pig with lipstick” comment was a good start. He, his coaches, his surrogates, and his supporters including the former president and first lady must take every opportunity to turn the love-struck media focus away from the issues of minutia, such as whether or not the new player on the other team threatened to fire the librarian or Troopergate, or any of the other red herrings designed to keep the eyes of the public off the game ball. Quarterback Obama and his team needs to take control of the game, ignore the out-of-bounds plays, and hammer away at the real issues. And the Clintons need to do their part to earn that $ 21 million they’re asking from Barrack to pay off their debts. When the final seconds tick off in November, the team that is ahead will lead the country for at least the next four years – assuming no hanging chads.

A little blogging music Maestro... “Running Against the Wind” by Bob Seger.

Dr. Forgot

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