Wednesday, October 22, 2008

12 Days to RAIN Day

RAIN Minus 12

Item First – Let it RAIN: From now until the presidential Election Day we will begin each post with a review of the Remove All Incumbents Now (RAIN) campaign. A good rain washes clean all the road scum, dust and filth. We hope that a cleansing of Congress will result in the firing of the legislators who are part of the group that bailed out Wall Street with nearly a trillion dollars, at least 150 billion of which was blatant authorized pork by Democrats to appease Republicans who had previously rejected the bill then changed their vote allowing it to pass after being seduced by pork. We are not sure how much of the bailout, if any, was actually needed.

Poor people myths: One of the barrages of emails going around states that one of the candidates will reduce taxes on “the 40% of the Americans who don’t pay taxes because they’re on welfare.” The hate email, typical of the garbage that has inundated our inbox for the past 18 months goes on to say that since the “welfare cases” do not pay taxes they will receive some sort of rebate checks. You know the group – the uninsured ones who do not pay their hospital bills and make waiting in the emergency room unbearable. Except that like most of the hate emails generated by the little gnome under a rock, the “facts” are wrong. A recent study by the Journal of the American Medical Association, hardly a left wing rag, debunks the emergency room myth. The uninsured DO NOT use emergency rooms for non-urgent care, they are NOT the leading cause of emergency room crowding, and they DO NOT use the emergency room in disproportionate numbers. In fact, a higher proportion of patients with Medicare and Medicaid use emergency rooms than the uninsured. But shucks and golly gee, those deadbeats must be doing somethin’ wrong.

Quotes from the Bard: We’ve gotten several requests lately to do something with Shakespeare quotes as we have done in the past. So we sent out our crack research team to find the candidates, their surrogates, the pundits, and anybody else associated with the election in order to see which quotes to assign to whom. Half the team disappeared at a Sarah Palin rally in Henderson, Nevada and the other half were picked up for loitering at a bar they insist was a rallying point for socialists. Therefore we’ll have to do the assignments the old fashioned way – make them up.

The email from Senator McCain to Colin Powell: “Et tu Brute?”

The Mitt Romney mantra: “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.”

On Hillary’s insistence that there are no hard feelings toward Obama: “The lady doth protest too much methinks.”

Bill Clinton at a concert: “If music be the food of love, play on.”

McCain trying to focus on one campaign theme: “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

All candidates after the long hard campaign: “To sleep, perchance to dream.”

Sarah Palin’s favorite trooper as she left Alaska: “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

The loser after the election: “The winter of our discontent.”

Sarah Palin’s fashion consultant: All that glitters is not gold.”

Barack on the stump: “Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.”

McCain describing Obama: “He hath a lean and hungry look about him.”

Karl Rove: “Done to death by a slanderous tongue.”

David Axelrod to Obama: Be not afraid of greatness.”

Sean Hannity: I follow him to serve him.”

Bill O’Reilly “O what fools these mortals be.”

Arianna Huffington: “O what men dare do!”

Rush Limbaugh: “What’s here? The portrait of a blinking idiot!”

Finally, Keith Olberman: “If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.”

That’s enough culture for one day. We don’t want to be responsible for anybody getting a mental hernia.

Big lists from little ACORNs grow: The McCain camp has been surprisingly quiet about alleged ACORN voter registration fraud once similar fraud was discovered by California authorities. Seems the head of a group that earned up to $ 12 per Republican registration was busted for phony signups. The Republican team signed up voters by telling them they were signing a petition against child molesters, but the saps were actually registering as Republican voters. (Hello! Do you read what you sign? Would it be a good idea to do so?) ACORN targeted poor people and minorities, but some of their workers simply went to the library and copied names from newspapers and phone books. One such worker in Washington who pulled such shenanigans to make his quota was busted, convicted, and spent three months in prison for voter registration fraud. However a University of Washington law professor says the idea of fake cards turning into real votes is a myth. "There are no known instances of fictitious people actually voting," the prof said. "You look at some of the names: Mickey Mouse. Dr. Seuss. Mickey Mouse only votes in Disneyland. He's not going to show up at a critical precinct in West Virginia or North Carolina." So if we haven’t worn out the Bard, can we say the charges of “massive voter fraud” was Much Ado About Nothing?

From the penthouse to the outhouse - almost: Life is tough during these times. Mortgage rates are adjusting and payments are climbing. The cost of food, clothing, and shelter is at least going through the attic if not the roof. Savings accounts, 401Ks and any instrument that has been part of the stock market are lower than a snake’s behind. Some folks are running around like Chicken Little as the sky is falling, but others are becoming more austere in their daily living. For some that means only pearls, no diamonds, but for those without Wall Street golden parachutes reality is beginning to set in. Skip an occasional meal. Have macaroni and cheese instead of fine wine and brie cheese. Eat out less often. Cancel the porno channels on cable TV. Well, maybe not that. But at least one family has taken downsizing seriously. The Kastrinos who live in Calistoga, CA gave up their 1800 square foot house for a smaller one – much smaller. They've squeezed into a 154-square-foot home that looks like a kid's playhouse. They use a ladder to climb into their bed every night. The downstairs has a sitting area, tiny kitchen and bathroom in a space that's 98 square feet. The upstairs loft has a bed in 56 square feet of space. They keep extra clothes in their car. The house cost them $15,000, and the utilities are a mere $15 a month. They live on property owned by their daughter in California wine country, where the average home cost is $725,000. NOTE TO THE NEXT PRESIDENT: Fire Paulsen and Bernanke and hire the Kastrinos.

If not for bad luck, they’d have no luck at all: To say Louisiana has had a run of bad luck would be an understatement. Hurricane Katrina was followed by Hurricanes Rita, Humberto, Gustav and Ike. LSU had one of the top football teams in the country until they were Swamped by Florida. Politicians are indicted on a regular basis, boll weevils eat up the cotton crop, the shrimp industry has turned from prawns to popcorn, and their beauty queen got busted. Miss Teen Louisiana had 11 days to go to finish her reign. She was stripped of her sash and crown after inviting a couple of friends to lunch then runway walking out on the $ 46.07 bill. But she left her purse behind, complete with ID and two ounces of pot. Moral: if you’re a lass who carries grass don’t be crass with your repast or you might end up in a morass.

A little blogging music Maestro…” I Go Crazy” by Queen.

Dr. Forgot

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