Thursday, October 9, 2008

26 Days to RAIN Day Plus OJ


Item First – Let it RAIN: From now until the presidential election day we will begin each post with a review of the Remove All Incumbents Now (RAIN) campaign. A good rain washes clean all the road scum, dust and filth. We hope that a cleansing of Congress will result in the firing of the legislators who are part of the group that bailed out Wall Street with nearly a trillion dollars, at least 150 billion of which was blatant authorized pork by Democrats to appease Republicans who had previously rejected the bill then changed their vote allowing it to pass after being seduced by pork. We are not sure how much of the bailout, if any, was actually needed.

Mudslides splatter both candidates: A bucket of blood, a field full of mud, and two candidates spewing crud. That is the viscosity of the election at the moment and I see no likelihood it will change in the next 26 days. The candidates remind me of my days as a junior high school in charge of discipline and attendance issues. The only difference is that the junior high school kids mudslinging always started with “Yo Mamma,” as in “Yo Mamma wears tennis shoes,” countered by “Oh, yeah? Well, yo Mamma buys your cloths at the thrift shop.” And so it goes until a fistfight begins. When the two miscreants were finally hauled into the office each one claimed of the other, “He started it.” So it is with the two presidential candidates, except their diatribes are neither as clever nor as passionate as the kids mostly because theirs is scripted by party writers. Both are disgusting but the polls say that kind of slime is what changes the minds of the voters. If we are to believe that, we indeed live in a sick society. Vote for the least slimy presidential candidate of your choice, but beyond that fire every legislator who is running for election. Vote against EVERY incumbent and make it RAIN. That is the only way this (to borrow a famous line from a Middle East despot) stinking corpse of a political system can be cleansed and resurrected.

A postscript to the OJ Trial: Poor OJ. He has gone from a star football player and winner of the Heisman Trophy to a second rate hack whose only sprinting will be trying to evade Bubba in the showers. Let’s do a rewind of his fall from grace. OJ was born shortly after the end of WW-II in the City by the Bay where Tony Bennett left his heart. He was raised by his granny and became a star running back at USC. Most of his professional career was spent with the hapless Buffalo Bills. His handsome looks and charismatic personality brought him more glory as a sports announcer and movie star then as the spokesman for Hertz car rentals. On June 12, 1994 his beautiful wife and a friend were brutally slain at her home and suspicion immediately focused on “The Juice.” He was captured after a bizarre nationally televised slow-speed chase up and down L.A. freeways. The resulting murder trial was also nationally televised and became one of the first made-for-TV reality shows.

Could have been Marshall Tito or Lance Ito: The trial was proceded over by Judge Lance Ito, the first of many caricatures with oversized round eyeglasses and a black judges robe that cried out for pundits to satirize him. The trial took as long as making a baby with all the cartoon characters one could imagine from “The Constant Chiseler” Kato Kaelin to the defense attorney, may he rest in peace, Johnny “If the gloves don’t fit you must acquit” Cochran. It was a look into our judicial system through a pair of $ 500 Hollywood Chanel sunglasses. Of course, the jury cut him loose, so to speak but OJ kept on getting into trouble.

Living the life: Instead of getting life for murder OJ was living the life of your average bankrupt Floridian (he declared bankruptcy rather than have to pay a judgment the victim’s family had won against him) playing golf daily, living in a castle, exhibiting road rage and generally thumbing his nose at the courts. Had he been a consultant for Wall Street investment bankers we wouldn’t be in our current pickle. But when OJ got a call from another upstanding citizen telling him some of his memorabilia was being sold in a hotel, OJ and his goons went in with guns drawn and promptly got arrested for theft, kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon, and a host of other charges. Piece of cake. Hire the best defense a bankrupt ex-jock’s money can buy and prepare for another carnival trial.

You’re not in Kansas (Hollywood) any more Dorothy (OJ): This time the trial was a real one – not a made-for-TV event like the one in tinsel town. Only a handful of fans showed up outside the courtroom and inside Judge Jackie Glass was no Judge Ito. She ran a tight courtroom just like in a real American city and when the gavel came down and the jury’s verdict was read – guilty on all 12 counts. The defense lawyer immediately began weeping, wailing, and gnashing his teeth. Oh the unfairness of it all. He painted his client as a step above Mother Teresa for purity and threw out every possible reason that his poor innocent client was wrongfully convicted: the jury had too many whites, not enough women, too many right handed people, not enough hair color, and oh yes, they MUST have found him guilty not because of the evidence but because somewhere in the recesses of their mind they were making up for his prior acquittal. Alas and Alack. OJ will now change his name to Orange Jumpsuit. Although he’s not been sentenced, he’ll likely have plenty of time to kill.

The rest of the story – with a Palin wink: With Halloween around the corner OJ costumes are popular, but stores have been receiving complaints that the gloves don’t fit. Rumors are that he’s landed an endorsement from jail for, “I Can’t Believe it’s not an Acquittal.” Superstitious? OJ was convicted 13 years to the day after he was acquitted. Perhaps 13 years from now his sentence will be overturned.

A little blogging music Maestro... “Guilty Conscience” by Eminem

Dr. Forgot

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