Gasp, Wheeze

No Offense, I Hate You

I just returned from t trip to California's wine country - Napa and Sonoma Valleys. The trip was great, the plane was on time, the car rental agency didn't rip me off too bad, although I had reserved a sporty car and the only car they had left was a soccer-mom van. But hey, I'm too old to be so macho so I took my soccer-mom van and headed toward good wine and great weather. So if everything went so well what was my problem? I hate smokers. I don't mind spending time of the land of shakes and quakes and don't bat an eye at the fruits and nuts and even the occasional wino. But smokers offensive.

The first brush with the aroma of stale tobacco smoke came when I climbed behind the wheel of the "Non-smoking" soccer-mom van that was the only car left unless I opted to wait 2 hours for the next one. The stale smoke hung in the car like a San Francisco fog, but less inviting to inhale. Since I was anxious to hit the road and get up into wine country (I know, I'm starting to sound like I was in whine country but stay with me) I lowered all the windows and turned the fan up to maximum as I tooled up Interstates 680, 680, 880, and just plain 80 toward CA 29 and the fruit of the vine. It didn't help much and the road noise was irritating. But soon enough I approached the first winery.

As I walked into the tasting room, one addicted to the leaf and his equally addicted life partner stood outside having their last puff or two, or three, or.... well you get the idea. The aroma wafted into the tasting room and challenged the bouquet of the red and white liquids that awaited tasting.When I finally got to the hotel and into another room with the line and circle over the smoking sign, I again discovered that somebody had violated the no-smoking room policy. One's addiction is one's own business, but please do not visit it on me.

Besides the disagreeable manner in which smokers often age and smell, their insurance premiums are high. Have you applied for a term life insurance policy lately? Smokers pay higher premiums. Want to lower your insurance premiums? Forget about giving up demon rum. Stop smoking.

Once you've kicked the habit you are more than welcome to rent the same cars I do and stay in the same smoke free environment. But until then, at least show enough class to smoke somewhere else. Oh, and remember that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray so I guess it follows that kissing a nonsmoker is like licking a clean ashtray.

Dr. Forgot