Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Almost Heaven

WVA Obama’s Waterloo or Victory Lane

Clinton Cadre Continues to Crusade: Funny thing about media pundits. They feel that if one side is dominating the other side, they need to make up the difference. Early on in the Democratic campaign Hillary was the anointed one and media pundits chipped in to pillory Hillary at every opportunity. Then the infamous Saturday Night Live skit turned the tables and it was bam-bam Obama. However, the pendulum began to swing back toward the Hill as St. Obie piled up Super Deles. With the win in WVA the Hillary artillery and media pundits are seeking a shotgun marriage for an O’Clinton ticket.

Obama Overtakes Official Ownership: Meanwhile, back at Party Headquarters (which some say acts like hindquarters) Super-delegates have been anything but “faster than a speeding bullet” when making up their minds. The leak in Hillary’s dele-bag bled enough switcheroos to unofficially buoy Barry to become the betrothed brainchild of the party and leave a bitter buttercup behind. But her surrogates strongly hint that she needs to be on the ticket to carry states in the general that she’s carried in the primaries.

A Fatal Attraction? Exactly what would come of a one-two punch if number two wore a pant suit? Would President Obama worry that the residents of the vice president’s cottage at Number One Observatory Circle might change the address to Spyglass Hill? What of the adjustment from “Hail to the Chief” to “Second Laddie?” Or is the Second Time Around simply Just a Dream that is Blowin’ in the Wind? Will the former First Family sing Homeward Bound or Shattered Dreams? It could prove to be a sticky wicket.

Dear Hillary: In the interest of presidential insecurity I will help Senator Obama by ghost-writing his letter to Senator Clinton on the topic of the selection of his running mate:

Dear Senator Clinton:

Let me first congratulate you on your superb run of the presidential primary race. Speaking of race, it is a card that you have played brilliantly. I watched dumfounded in Pennsylvania as you clung to your gun toting background and demonstrated your ability to shoot from the hip. I listened to your speeches in each venue and was amazed at your vast experience. Who knew that you could down a shot and a beer while clinging to your religion by discussing Reverend Wright so often and in such vivid detail. I was moved as your voice broke in New England and fascinated with your drive toward a gas tax holiday despite pushback from every legitimate economist who spoke to the issue. I am happy that you found your voice. I’ve heard that voice loud and clear. It is not a voice I want to hear each morning coming from Number One Observatory Circle. Therefore I have decided to select as my vice president.... your husband, Bill. Just kidding. I’m not sure who it will be at this time but I know who it will not be. Thank you for your lack of support. I remain Sincerely Yours, President-Elect Barack O Yeah!

Dr. Forgot

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