Friday, May 30, 2008

Friday's Follies

My computer beats me at chess but not kickboxing

Little Green Men from Phoenix: Another stunning victory for our U. S. space cadets. They’ve managed to land a vehicle called Phoenix on Mars. A news release from Hillary Clinton’s camp said the delegates from Mars supported her and demanded they be seated at the convention. In a speech beamed to Mars Senator Clinton said that as a child she was often green and that the term ”Red Planet” was coined by her grandfather, a half Montana, half Dakota Puerto Rican Indian. The speech also said that since there were no colleges on Mars it is clear that the population was part of her demographic stronghold.

There’s plenty of profit in being a prophet: FLDS leader and self proclaimed prophet Warren Jeffs is serving time in the hoosegow on an “Accomplice to rape” charge. Recent photos allegedly showed him kissing his new 12-year old bride. When asked what type of entertainment is available at the compound for all those wives Jeff responded, “In keeping with tradition, they wear prairie dresses and watch old movies like Lolita.” According to a search warrant Jeffs had spiritual marriages with four girls between the ages of 12 and 15. Yet Texas authorities sent all the children back to his church’s compound.

High cost of housing yields creative solutions: Foreclosures, housing debacles, and high rents are worldwide problems. A homeless woman in Japan discovered a reasonably priced solution to the problem. She sneaked into a house and lived undetected in a closet for a year. She’s since come out of the closet and into the jail cell after being arrested for trespass. She moved an air mattress into the closet and enjoyed all the comforts of home while the bachelor owner was at work. The joke is on society – she’s still receiving free room and board!

The absent-minded professor forgot to eat: I earned my moniker, Dr. Forgot by overlooking the minutia in life and focusing on things that had a higher priority. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. However, the prize for absent-minded professorship goes to Muata Kamdibe, a college professor who, as I say tongue-in-cheek, forgot to eat. On a trip to Las Vegas the English prof weighed himself and at over 300 pounds he nearly broke the scale. He started an exercise and diet regimen that cost him 133 pounds and a new body. Way to go prof.

U.S. Ariways cuts the nuts: In the 1950s and 60s flying was not only a status symbol it was a pleasure. Longer flights provided the finest cuisine served on linen placemats with linen table napkins and fine silver. Ah, those were the days. In the late 1970s Southwest airline identified a new market and began to offer cheap fares with no food except peanuts – just likeBold their fares. The people spoke with their wallets. Southwest became the darling of the industry and the biggies began to emulate them. U.S. Airways recently did the coup de gras when they announced no more free snacks. The policy will join free meals as distant memories. It must be noted, however that there is not one known case of a person starving to death on a four-hour plane flight.

A little blogging music Maestro... Up Up and Away by The Fifth Dimension.

Dr. Forgot

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